Find below the translation of one of our most performing articles written by one of our community members, showcasing the deep interest in changing narratives around menstruation in Vietnam today.
For a long time, I felt that the word “menstruation” was forbidden. Just thinking about it made me uncomfortable. I avoided using that word directly and replaced it with words that were considered “polite” and “subtle” such as “đến ngày”, “rớt dâu”, “bị”, and “đến kỳ”. Periods were absent from everyday conversations. Girls and women would politely chat about menstruation and keep the topic within their small circle of friends. Today’s society has changed a bit, and aspects surrounding menstruation are being discussed, but there are still invisible obstacles that make menstruation struggle with prejudices that have not been overcome, and boundaries that continue to make it a taboo subject.
If you are a woman you may find one (or more) of the following familiar:
When buying tampons, the cashier puts them in a black plastic bag and then gives them back to you. Black plastic bags (but not transparent bags) mean “do not reveal menstrual-related products, do not reveal that you are ‘on your period’ to others.” If I go to the store and only buy tampons, eight out of ten sellers will put them in a black plastic bag and give it back to me. At some point, I decided to stop this myself. Either I’ll tell the salesperson that I don’t need the plastic bags because I already have my own, or I’ll take the entire pack straight home.
Another example of women feeling invisible pressure to hide their period is when they go to work. The days are coming, and I have to go to work. Whenever I need to use a tampon, I feel like I need to hide them. When a female colleague asks to borrow a tampon, or I am the one who asks to borrow one, it feels like we are exchanging “forbidden goods” and trying my best to go to the bathroom “naturally”.
Have you ever thought that companies should have a free supply of menstrual-related products for their employees?
Women “on their period” are not allowed to burn incense at the altar or go to the temple. This continues to be a taboo that I was reminded of as a child. I still remember one time when my aunt asked me to bring the fruit tray to the altar and whispered that she was “on her period,” so she could not go up to burn incense. I tried asking the women in my family why it was taboo, but no one could give me a proper explanation. It all stopped at the notion that menstruation is synonymous with “dirty,” and women on their period should not contaminated sacred spiritual values. That taboo just crept into my child’s mind, and for a long time, whenever I had my period, I would self-consciously not burn incense or participate in temple activities.
It’s contradictory: on the one hand, society celebrates a woman’s fertility and motherhood, and on the other hand, perpetuates stereotypes that try to demean a woman and make her feel ashamed of her fertility characteristics.
And more: when you have your period, you must wear clothes that don’t draw attention, avoid at all cost blood stains on clothes or bed sheets. When I was a child, I had an invisible fear that every time I went to sleep during my period, I would make blood stains on the bed sheets and be blamed by my mother. I tried to fix that by buying specialized nighttime tampons that last longer, thicker, and carefully lie flat to make sure nothing got on the sheets.
I wish menstruation wasn’t so hated.
“Menstruation should not be (and should not be) discussed with men”: exactly when this thought started, I don’t remember. But it followed me all the time growing up. Menstruation can be talked only with your girls friends only, never with boys.
I remember a scene often seen in American television series: when a woman mentions “menstruation”, the male characters will immediately react by covering their ears, waving their hands, jokingly refusing to hear more. This seems to be an accurate sketch of reality: a hesitant, but forever awkward attitude when menstruation is mentioned. Breaking out of the confines of private, people seem to react with shame and shame other when they hear about period in real life and do everything they can to prevent the story from going any further.
Society automatically associates women when they are “on their date” difficult to please, irritable, and capricious.
“Is the day coming?”– a familiar, seemingly harmless sarcastic question that appears in both cinema and in real life, when a person wants to complain about the other’s irritability, and capriciousness. The truth is, even though period is a matter of general biology in women, not every woman or girl experiences are the same. Some people feel intense pain, others are manageable. Some people are more sensitive, more emotional, others feel a little more irritable. Even within the same person, change can be different at different stages (I used to suffer from bloating or back pain, but now I’m aware of becoming more emotional than sick). Many people are so focused on complaining and “exposing” what they think is bad in women that they forget the full context of the problem.
Do biological changes occur during a woman’s period? Yes. But should they be turned into tools to reinforce gender stereotypes? Absolutely not.
And if the stories around periods were told objectively and comprehensively in an effort to listen and understand, perhaps we would know how to be more empathic and sympathetic to what a woman is going through.
The notion that menstruation is a sensitive (even taboo), unhygienic, embarrassing subject has followed me for years. As my perception changed, I knew that all of those preconceptions weren’t true. I “untied” myself, learned to tolerate my body, my own biology and appreciate it more. I know that having a period is the most normal thing on earth. I know that I don’t have to hide, whisper, feel shy every time I get my period.
Women have the right to love, to complain about menstruation, to share, to discuss about it. It is about time for periods to be normalized. Although this journey has not been easy, I hope that day by day, we can find a way to free ourselves from the bonds of prejudice.
An.
You can find the original article in Vietnamese by here.
hereiaman (An)
A writer living in chaos, swimming among the unknown, having an appetite for knowledge and craving for freedom.
