“So, this is goodbye?” I asked my supervisor as she was about to wrap up her last day at the company she had worked for over a year. We had only two months sitting across from each other, sharing everything from office gossip and family frustrations that every 20-something faces. 6 p.m. She clocked out for the last time. We hugged. I cried. Tomorrow, it will be just me.
Goodbyes always hit me hard. Whether it’s graduating, sending off a friend who is going abroad, or watching from a plane as it took off from the city I had a wonderful vacation, I always end up crying or overthinking it for days. Saying goodbye to a friend at work is even harder. Suddenly, we go from seeing each other every day to becoming acquaintances, from sending sneaky messages during meetings to leaving comments on each other’s Facebook posts only once in a while.
That unsettling feeling alone is intense enough to make you question: Is this the nature of life, people crossing paths once and disappearing forever? Should I leave this company too, now that my best friend is gone?
Allow yourself to grief
I met one of my first co-workers at my first internship. She was given two weeks to train me before she left, so goodbye was expected. What I didn’t anticipate was how quickly we clicked during those two weeks sharing the same computer screen. The day she left, I felt completely lost and, of course, I cried.
Immediately, I felt the weight of others’ gazes, as if people were silently judging me: “What are you, 17? Stop acting like a kid.” How unprofessional is it to cry at work? How silly and weak must you be to cry over someone you had only known for two weeks? I’ve asked myself these questions as well. I’ve tortured myself for letting my emotions take control. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve reminded myself that “work friends are not real friends.”
Looking back, I realize that showing a bit of emotion is perfectly normal. By crying, I showed her that she had been a wonderful colleague and that her presence had a lasting impact, even when she would not be there anymore. Crying is the best way to honor a rewarding friendship.
But know that there’s more reason to be joyful
I only stopped crying when I realized I needed to view it as a positive change for the person leaving and not make it about myself.
Often, when people leave a job, they’re seeking a new environment that is more fertile for their growth. It’s not healthy to stay in a job just because of your coworkers. People and relationships are great reasons to stay, but they should not be the only ones. The best thing you can do is wish your friend who is about to leave the best of luck. Be happy for them as they find a more suitable job or thrive in a new environment, even if that environment doesn’t include you.
Even if it feels like the end of the world, I know deep down how lucky I was to feel that way. Many workplaces are harsh, with people undermining each other. Yet, among all the negativity, I’ve met good people who showed you that work isn’t necessarily just about cold, blank worksheets. Bittersweet goodbyes are way better than feeling eased when someone is finally leaving. Imagine quitting a job and everyone just breathes a sigh of relief—what could be worse?
Who knows if you’ll cross paths again?
My supervisor left her job to, surprisingly, return to a previous one. She hadn’t felt it was the right fit back then, but after a few years, both she and the company evolved and found each other again.
Before she left, she told me to be happy because her departure meant I would have more opportunities as well. Now that she has become a part of my network and her network is opening up to new people and opportunities, mine is expanding too. Perhaps one day, if there’s a need for a job, your former work friend might remember you. With just a phone call, you could find yourselves sitting together at the same conference table, chatting about the same work, and enjoying bubble tea on a Friday afternoon.
Seeing off a work friend doesn’t mean your relationship ends that day or that what you had is now in the past. I know that with just a message, I can still connect with the colleagues I once cried over. In the same city, I might run into them at a café one day, and we can help each other grow as our worlds expand. The overwhelming void you feel today can keep you and your friends connected, not just at work or in days, but throughout life and forever.
“Will I feel less overwhelmed as I grow older, or as I get used to saying goodbye to people? How should I handle my emotions and pull myself together?” I asked my HR Manager, who had seen hundreds of goodbyes. She told me to be true to my emotions, as they are my strength and key to rewarding relationships.
Each female colleague I’ve said goodbye to—whom I proudly called sisters in my mother tongue—has made my work life more meaningful. They’ve shown me the true value of sisterhood when women support each other in the workplace. So, what’s the fuss about crying for them?
Mướp
for all the women who have made me who I am
