How I survived Hyperemesis Gravidarum through three pregnancies

The last May 15th was Hyperemesis Gravidarum Awareness Day. I didn’t know that, but I do know all too well the awful reality of Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG). As a mother of three, my experience with HG worsened with each pregnancy.

Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) is extreme, persistent nausea and vomiting during pregnancy.

For my first baby, I didn’t know what HG was. I remember very well the day it started. I had travelled to France for my sister’s wedding and was having dinner with my best friend. I got back home and threw up all my dinner. The following day, I woke up feeling okay but nauseous. I was flying back to Vietnam and threw up the entire flight. At first, I thought it might be food poisoning. But it never really stopped. I felt nauseous continuously and couldn’t keep any food down after 5 pm. After one month, I had lost 5kg. The doctor said, “It’s normal morning sickness, don’t worry.” But it was not normal.

I started to have very dark thoughts. I was so tired. I began to think that having a miscarriage wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all. I knew then that this was not normal. I should not wish to have a miscarriage. I searched online for “pregnancy / sick all the time / wish for miscarriage.” That’s how I heard about Hyperemesis Gravidarum. An article shared how 53% of women suffering from HG have considered termination of their pregnancy because of it. That was me. I was right there.

I didn’t feel relieved to put a name to what I was suffering from because, at that time, the only information available was that you couldn’t do anything about it. Quickly, all I could find were testimonials of women who had been put into dark rooms for days in hospitals without being allowed any visits, TV, phone, or internet because it was commonly thought to be a psychological condition.

It was my first pregnancy, and that’s how I discovered what being pregnant meant for me. I was in survival mode. It slowly got better. I dreamed my pregnancy would be about connection, love and building a special bond. Half was just survival for me, and the other half was about recovering.

When I got pregnant the second time, I naively thought it wouldn’t happen again. I thought I had just been unlucky the first time. Well, I was wrong. That time, it was combined with a very stressful working environment. I ended up quitting my job. I lost 7kg in six weeks. That time I knew very well what my condition was about. I knew how I would feel. What I was not prepared for was the guilt of not being able to take care of my first child. I was a ghost of a mum. I stayed in bed all the time. I had no energy. And then the guilt of not being able to perform at work. Work has always been such a big part of my life. I attached so much of my value to my work. I was proud I was building my career. I had taken a big role. I had internalized so much of the girlboss syndrome that I felt so guilty of confirming the stereotype that pregnancy makes women less performant than men. I was furious with myself. I felt weak.

One evening at 18 weeks, I lost blood. I was devastated. The miscarriage I had wished for was happening. I felt even more guilty. I cried all night. I went to the emergency room, and the doctor told me everything was fine. I had just a small hematoma and needed to rest. My husband pushed me to talk about what I was feeling. I shared about work, about the pressure, about the stress. And my doctor told me it’s your job or your baby. It became evident. I didn’t care about the job at all. I quit the same day. I decided to embrace the fact that my pregnancy was pushing me to live my life in a much different way and to welcome it. I felt so much gratitude for this baby who was helping me make a decision that I knew was the right one for my career. I felt an instant bond with my baby for helping me listen to what I really wanted for my career.

And this baby (a girl, of course) was right. I got my dream job the following month: a fantastic workplace that hired me while pregnant and offered me a perfect onboarding to let me enjoy a great maternity leave.

For the third pregnancy, I knew it would happen again. But I was not more prepared. I felt it all the same—the guilt of not taking care of my kids, the guilt of not performing at work, the wish to miscarry. It was hell again. And that time I lost 10kg in three weeks. I could only drink lemon juice. One day, trying to find solutions online, I watched a documentary of a doctor sharing about HG. He was running a special program in France to help women with HG. I remember him saying this is not normal, women are suffering hell, it is the worst condition you could suffer, and women need dedicated care. I broke down. He was saying all the words I wished a doctor would have told me. He was giving me the official recognition that HG was a medical condition that needed special care.

Fortunately for me, I always had the support of my husband and my mom. My husband took care of everything for me during these months. He was always reassuring, always trying to remind me that it would stop, always telling me that we would do whatever I wanted to do. I was alone with HG, but I was loved, and I could share. I never got any support from any doctor, but I had my people.

Today, I often share my experience with HG. Everyone around me, my friends, my coworkers, knows that I have experienced this.

I especially share my experiences in my workplace. Because of HG, I always had to announce my pregnancy very early on. It was never an easy announcement for me. I always felt like I was asking for a favor and hoping that people would be kind enough to understand. I want to share my experience so other women don’t have to feel alone in their guilt, and know that the community of HG warriors will be there to support them every step of their journey.

Read about HG, get familiar with it. The good news is there is now new promising treatments. So ask your doctor about them!